To Speak or Not to Speak: Navigating misophonia in public

Am I being entitled, or advocating for myself?
Am I being rude, or trying to help others understand?
Am I being naïve or raising awareness?

How many times have you found yourself asking these very questions?

Having misophonia triggers involuntary reactions. The most common reactions to various triggers include rage, disgust, anxiety, and sadness.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve shot a look of pure daggers at an innocent person because they were whistling near me. So far, I’ve been successful in biting my tongue, refraining from saying anything to the offender for fear of coming across as rude, entitled, strange, unreasonable, or ridiculous. I worry that speaking up might lead to an argument or misunderstanding. This is especially true when the trigger in question evokes rage. Imagine being filled with anger and trying to calmly and politely ask someone to stop doing something. It’s hard, isn’t it? It often comes across as biting, aggressive, and rude.

It’s easy to feel frustrated, confused, or even guilty when our reactions are misunderstood. But how can we help others understand something so deeply personal, something that often seems invisible to those around us? The reality is, we need to find ways to navigate these challenges without feeling like we’re asking too much.

Since its one of my worst triggers, and a very common one, let’s continue with the example of whistling.

How would you feel if you were in a public space, and someone asked you to stop whistling? Would it depend on how they asked? Where you were? Would you stop? What thoughts would go through your head?

Let’s create a scenario…
You’re sitting in a seat at the airport gate, waiting for your flight. A physically disabled person asks if you could give up your seat for them. How would you react? Would they be entitled? What would you think?

Now, let’s take the same scenario and change it up. You’re sitting in a seat at the airport gate, whistling away the time until you can board, and someone asks if you’d mind stopping. How would you react? Would they be entitled? What would you think?

Would the lack of a visible disability make you react differently? My guess is, of course, yes! And I wouldn’t blame you. While misophonia may not be widely recognised, it is increasingly acknowledged as a condition that severely impacts quality of life on a daily basis. In the USA, many schools, universities, and workplaces make accommodations for individuals with misophonia (Woo!) This includes measures like quiet spaces or adjustments to reduce noise triggers. These steps reflect a growing understanding of the real challenges people with misophonia face and just how detrimental triggers are to their lives. Despite this progress, there is still much work to be done in ensuring the condition is fully recognised in all areas of life around the world.

While I'm not equating misophonia with physical disabilities, and the example is merely for thought, the real question is: how would we respond if someone asked us to stop doing something in public because of a condition they were struggling with? Just as a physically disabled person might need accommodation, people with misophonia may need the same understanding and consideration. We are incredibly fortunate to live in a time when invisible disabilities or challenges are recognised more widely and accepted more openly.

For those of you who don’t suffer from misophonia, I ask you this: how would you like to be approached if you were unknowingly triggering someone near you?

Sure, we absolutely need to take into account that being out in public means we can’t always have it our way, which is why many people with misophonia carry earplugs, headphones, or avoid certain places. But despite our best efforts, it’s not always possible to put these strategies in place.

One of the hardest aspects of living with misophonia is that many of the triggers are extremely common—part of everyday life—and most of the time, people aren’t even aware they’re doing it. I find myself constantly repeating myself to friends and family, asking them to stop doing something. They don’t do it on purpose, and they don’t even realise they’re doing it. This makes it incredibly difficult because not only are people unaware of their actions, but something so common or everyday can be deeply triggering for someone else.

So, is it entitled, or is it just about trying to survive? We can’t please everyone all the time, but when it comes to conditions like misophonia, and other invisible disabilities and challenges, should we speak up?